Tiger Mom vs. Western Mom vs. Common Sense Mom

Okay, so the Tiger Mom (Amy Chua) has gotten news and headlines and everyone worked up over whether Chinese mothers are better at parenting than Western mothers, or just sadistic.  I think that there are pros and cons to both ways of parenting, creating what we might call the "Common Sense Mom".
Miss Chua states three differences in parenting that distinguish the Chinese and the Western parent:
First, that the Western parent is too wrapped up in their child's self-esteem.  I happen to think that there is some truth in this.  In this country, we place a lot of emphasis on a child's sense of worth---in and of itself, not a bad thing; however, it can be taken to extremes.  For example, there was an effort not too long ago for the schools to stop using red pens for corrections on papers and, instead, to use purple.  This was thought to ease the child's anguish over getting an incorrect answer on a test or homework.  What?!  Someone please explain to me how a color choice can make a child feel better about getting a wrong answer.  It's wrong!  That's all there is to it...do it over and never mind what color was used to let you know that your answer is WRONG!  On the other hand, I certainly think that the solution being to "excoriate, punish and shame the child" (Amy Chua's words) is a bit extreme.  While some children deal well with the "coaching" method of parenting (i.e. a lot of yelling and blustering from a parent), some definitely fare better with a more gentle method of encouragement.  This is not to say that a parent should not expect, and even demand, A's from a child.  You, as parent, know exactly what that child is capable of, and should make it perfectly clear that there will be absolute focus when it comes to schoolwork.  After all, as I tell my children all the time, education is their job at this time in their life.
The second difference, according to Miss Chua, is that Chinese parents think that their children owe them everything, while many Western parents (including the author's own husband) think they are owed nothing by their children.  I'm thinking that this is part of the guilt factor that we have in this country.  Many, many households have two parents working, at least one job apiece, to keep up with a certain standard that they have set for themselves.  I once talked with a mom who actually felt guilty bringing her only son into the world because she felt inadequate about what she was able to "give" him---time for friends, time as a family.  She and her husband both worked, to fulfill their own desire for worth, as well as to have nice things.  All she had to do to "give" her child what they both craved was to quit work for a couple of years to spend time with him. Sure, we need to give things up in order to do this; and some families maybe can't totally give up jobs, especially in this economy.  But we can make sure that the time that we have is spent as quality time with our families.  Turn off the TV, cook a simple meal together, play games, talk to each other, go to church or synagogue together....be together.  Your kids will love you for it, and they will feel that they owe you everything, because you gave everything that you had for them.
The last difference has to do with Chinese mothers thinking that they know what is best for their children, and overriding the child's desires and preferences.  Again, some truth and common sense to this way of thinking.  A lot of Westerners believe that they are their children's buddy or BFF.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  You are your child's parent...that means that, sometimes, your child will hate you for the decisions that you make on his/her behalf.  For instance, my husband and I insisted that our second child go to college.  She did not want to go to college; she does not like school.  However, after her first semester, we can already see a change in her sense of who she is and her belief in what she, herself, can accomplish.  As a matter of fact, she has come close, several times, to telling us that we actually may know what we are doing when it comes to raising kids!!  Will wonders never cease!!
So, to sum it up:  get to know your children, how they work and who they are.  By spending time with them, teaching them, expecting the most of them, inflicting upon them your values, you will grow a mature adult who gives back to society and will make you proud.  And they'll know how to use their Common Sense :o)
Read Amy Chua's article at www.wsj.com.

Common Sense Says Don't Say "Diet"

I, like just about every other woman on the planet Earth, have done my share of dieting.  In my experience, this involves a process of deciding I've put on a few pounds, vowing to take said pounds off, exercising and starving for about a week, then asking myself if it's really worth it.  The answer, of course, is NO!  Starving leads to binging which is not only unhelpful, but unhealthy.
After careful consideration and observation of friends, family and myself, I've come to the conclusion that common sense is definitely key to happy, healthy living.
About five years ago I found myself in the uncomfortable position of having put on about ten pounds.  Uncomfortable...literally...my pants were way too tight, and I decided that I either needed to lose the weight or buy the next size.  As I was not entirely against the idea of purchasing a new wardrobe, I was pretty calm and unbiased about analyzing how the pounds had come to be part of me and whether I was willing to do what it would take to get them off again.
In my case, my life had just plain become too busy.  There was definitely no time for exercise, and a good two hours of each day was spent in the car--half of that time by myself--a recipe for disaster!  Being the fast food junkie that I am, it had become quite easy to establish a routine of burgers and fries throughout the week.  You know how it starts: just a quick drive-thru for a Diet Coke (oh, I'm soooo good for having a diet...right?), and pretty soon you can't live without the word "super-size".
I decided that I definitely could not live with the thought of never tasting a juicy burger again; but could I find a solution without a trip the mall?  I made up my mind to try.  I chose one day a week--usually a busy, hectic day--that would be my "treat day".  On all other days I stuck snacks (I didn't limit myself to what I could or could not have, as long as it came from home) and one of my daughters in the car with me.  This last was to provide accountability.  I certainly didn't want her eating fast food every day.  And besides, I was sure she would tattle to the other two at home, starting an avalanche of indignant outcries that they didn't get to go!!
Believe it or not, this actually worked!  I looked forward to my day of treating myself and the food tasted better because it was something special.  In the meantime, my car snacks became healthier because I felt so proud of myself for the little bits of success I was having.
Now, of course, I still struggle with my weight occasionally; but common sense brings me back to that analysis of something simple and small to change that leads to a more healthy lifestyle.  So remember, baby steps and common sense...it's all good :o)

Joel Klein Talks Common Sense Regarding Education

I saw Joel Klein, Chancellor for New York Schools for eight years, on a late night talk show one night.  He seems so very sensible in his views on updating our education system.

Common Sense Blogs, and My Opinions

Here are some pros and cons of three blogs on common sense.

http://uncommonsenseblog.com/

I like the title/logo at the top and there is a lot of information, including twitter feed.
The colors are horrible...very hard to read.  And it seems very wordy.

http://www.dailycommonsense.com/

This blogger seems to want to please readers, commenting on taking the blog to the next level, etc.  Also, very easy to read.
I guess easy to read doesn't always mean thrilling, though.  This blog is extremely plain.  Nothing but text...not very interactive.

http://davidscommonsense.com/

This is apparently an orphaned site now, but it was funny.  The photos caught my eye right off.  Easy to read with a lot of tools for interaction.
Kind of plain with mostly pictures and videos; very little commentary.

Corporate Social Networking---Common Sense?

I was reading through an article on Social Networking in a corporate environment recently.  It seems the general trend would be toward some kind of intranet site for employees, whether that consists of operational manual type applications---think Google Docs--- or comment/complaint type blogging sites with employee interaction.  The article was questioning the pros and cons of such a site for different types of enterprises; but my take would be a wider perspective.  I mean, if someone in the company can, and will, create and maintain such a site, why not?  I see no downfall and, certainly, some advantages to having information and outlets available to employees.  However, be very careful not to think that any kind of site is a be-all, end-all endeavor.  This is where common sense comes in.  There are going to be people who are gung-ho for this technology.  There are going to be some who will take what they need, and leave a whole lot of it alone.  And there will be some who would not touch it with a ten-foot pole!  Social networking can be a wonderful tool…in a full toolbox!